Stress Management in Marriage
BACKGROUND
In
the world we live in today, it has been the question of many whether marriage
will work in today’s world with the hard economic times, rampant divorce cases
and also stress that comes with it. I know you might be in one and wishing that
if times were reversed you would not enter it again. People have been held
captives in this institution. It has been a source of problems rather than a
source of joy, it has been a cause of many early deaths rather than life
propagation unit, it has been a prison with life sentences only to offer
without relieve.
If
you are a Christian and we go back together to the Garden of Eden where God
instituted the first marriage, you will realize that despite sin problem, the
first marriage didn’t break up. This therefore doesn’t give us a ground for
alibi that the sin problem could be the cause of all these stress that eats up
people in marriages. Still in the Garden of Eden, reading between the lines
will reveal to you that marriage is one of the institutions that God made it
holy and He never intended the participants to graduate thereof.
Marriage
is one institution unique just as the creator is. It’s where people never do
Continuous Assessment Tests (CATs) or Exams that count at the end of the
period. It has no end here on earth but it’s just a prelude of how things will
be in Heaven when we will all be rejoined with the big family. The only exams in marriage are the challenges
that people go through. It’s not a test of what people have been studying but
how much one can apply life skills, virtues and techniques in problem solving.
Without these very exams that many hate, participants become weak, crumbly,
dejected and will never grow in all aspects of life.
Stress
is the major cause of the divorce, suicide, separations, vendetta, battering
and hatred. It’s paramount to note that no one is without stress. Animals also
sometimes have stress. Our bodies produce cortisol which has been regarded as
the “stress hormone”. The big issue is not how long have you been stressed or
the magnitude of the same, but how to manage it.
I
intend to approach this issue of stress management in a peculiar manner. I’ll
write it in a form of constitution and I believe it will help those who will
appreciate it. It’s not a standard measure of everyone but at least it affects
many if not all. It doesn’t talk to those in marriage alone but also those
contemplating on getting admission to this institution. Let those affected say:
PREAMBLE
We
the students of Holy Marriage Institution of no Graduation;
Acknowledging
the supremacy of the Almighty God of all creation.
Committed
to the duties that are in this institution
Proud
of our physical, economical, educational and
personality differences and all round diversity and determined to live in love,
peace and unity as one indivisible beings based on God’s Mathematics of one
plus one equals to one.
Respectful
of our parents and guardians, young and the old, small and great; respectful of
the environment and society, which is our heritage, and determined to sustain
it for the benefit of future generations.
Committed
to providing our children the basic needs and education, teaching them duties
to enable them grow physically, socially, mentally, spiritually ,in favour with
God and man; to provide love, care and protection to our children whether borne
of us or adopted and chief of all to be an exemplary example to them.
Recognizing
the aspirations of my partner and our children (if any) based on the essential
values of human rights, equality, freedom, democracy, social justice and rule
of law.
Exercising
our sovereign and inalienable right to see to it that life is preserved and
protected.
Adopt,
Enact and give this constitution to ourselves and our future generations.
GOD
BLESS OUR INSTITUTION.
SOVEREIGNITY
OF THE MEMBERS AND THE SUPREMACY OF THIS CONSTITUTION
This
is the constitution of HOLY MARRIAGE INSTITUTION OF NO GRADUATION, herein
referred to as HMIONG
This
constitution is not the supreme law of the institution but a suggestion and
therefore no member shall be above the provisions provided for in this document
if they adopt it.
And shall apply to all members; and subject to
the clauses enlisted herein, if any rule is inconsistent with this
constitution, this constitution will prevail and that other rule shall, by the
extent of inconsistence be null and void.
This
constitution is, explicit of which otherwise shall be interpreted by the
students. We declare that no provision herein shall, or will constructed as to
qualify, defeat or in any manner contravene the expected norms, Any such
provision shall to the extent of the contravention have no effect. Without
prejudice to the aforesaid, it is specifically provided here under that.
ARTICLE I:
NAME
God
the founder of this Institution hereby resolve, declare and pronounce that
there shall be established an Institution to be known as, HOLY MARRIAGE
INSITUTION OF NO GRADUATION.
Addressed
and called by the name of and therein referred to as the “INSTITUTION” to act
and function in accordance and following the provision of this constitution and
the divine principles.
ARTICLE II:
DEFINITION
This
Institution is composed of two people only who voluntarily left their parents
and were joined together to become one and are ready to live together in and
out of season till death do them apart. HMIONG shall be guided by this
constitution at several times.
ARTICLE III:
AIMS AND OBJECTIVES
The
sole purpose of HMIONG is twofold. One is for companionship and the other is
procreation according to the institutor.
A.
The
objectives of the institution are as follows:-
(i)
To assume one’s roles without supervision
or complains. Men build houses and women build homes. “What a man can do a
woman can do”, is an old archaic and unbiblical concept that should be ditched.
Each one to do the roles they consciously know they are right (according to
them) and ought to do. Woman was created to be a helper and not servant.
(ii)
To train up a child in the way s/he should
go: and when s/he is old, s/he will not depart from it. Training is not left to
external persons apart from the parents only. House helps on that matter are
not qualified for the training.
(iii)
To provide all the basic needs for the
children without hesitation or crumbling. The children are ours and no
discrimination in providing the needs. To address the wants of the same children
based on the urgency and availability of funds.
(iv)
To organize regular sessions of talks to
address issues that might be affecting us. Communication is indispensable in
any relationship and it’s the only platform where issues that would otherwise
lead ultimately to stress are levelled off. If communication is strangled and
numbed by any of the partners, solutions to all problems will hardly be found.
Don’t forget the few moments when silence is eloquence!
(v)
To arrange outings, tours or hikes to
appreciate the nature and probably solve incumbent, intermittent or malignant
problems. Every problem has a solution if only time, ideas and patience are
cooked in the same pot.
(vi)
To raise funds through acceptable means
which would be used for the objectives
mentioned above.
(vii) To manage
and maintain the family property with utmost care and responsibility for the
benefit of all.
(viii) To use
judiciously the family funds in things worth having and sticking to the
stipulated budget written by both partners.
(ix)
To have family worship daily if we are to
grow spiritually. This is a forum of acknowledging the Principal of the
Institution and singing ‘How Great Thou Art’.
(x)
To provide
the conjugal rights without resentment or withdrawal remembering that it’s a
wonderful gift from the creator. Both partners should be in a mood to enjoy the
same and temperance should reign superior. Excess or under of the same is not
called for.
(xi)
Wife to
submit unto her own husband, as unto the Lord. Husband to love his wife as
Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it.
(xii)
To consult
the Bible for the many divine principles that governs the institution.
(xiii)
To always
bear in mind that marriage is not a casual relationship to be entered into or
dismissed at will. It is a lifetime commitment having unity, love, trust and
faithfulness as the features that characterize a good marriage.
ARTICLE IV: INSTITUTIONAL
STRUCTURE
CLAUSE
I: HEAD (1 MEMBER)
For
the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church:
and he is the Saviour of the body. (Ephesians 5:23, KJV). He is the chairperson
of the talks held provided he is sane at all times.
CLAUSE
II: VICE PRESIDENT
Wife is a helper to husband. She is a
companion to the husband made from the bones and flesh of the husband so they
are of the same body. Vice president can assume the roles of the head in his
absence or demise. They both work together and no one is greater than the other
just like the hand is not greater than the eye. The unifying factor is the
origin of both: same body.
CLAUSE
II: OFFICERS
These are the children either borne to the
married couple or adopted by them willingly (whether they were and are able to
bear children or not). Children are not part of the executive committee but
might be consulted depending on issues at hand.
ARTICLE
V: RULES AND REGULATIONS
CLAUSE I: MEMBERSHIP
i.
Membership to the institution
shall be open to all volunteers who share the common objective of not
graduating and living together as husband and wife till death do them apart.
ii.
Everyone will be considered a
member upon official confirmation and public pronunciation officiated by pastor
or having duly signed the forms that recognize the union of the two (male and
female ONLY).
iii.
Those who concede to be admitted
should be of age and mature enough to withhold the pressure that
responsibilities and challenges bring about soon thereafter the union.
CLAUSE II: MEMBERS RIGHTS AND
RESPONSIBILITIES.
All members of the institution shall
be:
I.
Entitled to enjoy the conjugal
rights without compromise.
II.
File complaints and special
meetings to address cropping issues.
III.
Entitled to access financial
records.
IV.
Oppose decisions made, with good
and viable reasons.
CLAUSE III: DUTIES OF THE EXECUTIVE
COMMITTEE.
i. Shall ensure all members (including children) uphold this
constitution (where applicable to them).
ii. This constitution is free from willful interferences
iii. Make by laws to enhance the smooth running of the family.
iv. Draw the family annual budget.
v. Approve and meet all financial obligation of the family.
CLAUSE
V: CONTROL
1.
Any member who acts contrary to
the interest of the institution shall be warned and enlisted in the prayer
items. If the same member continues, much prayer is done to combat that.
ARTICLES VI:
FINANCE
CLAUSE
I: BUDGET
The
budget shall be made by the executive committee (husband and wife). Allocation
of funds will be strictly governed by availability of funds and high priority
objectives.
CLAUSE II: ACCOUNTS AND AUDIT
a)
The executive committee shall
maintain books of accounts in which shall be recorded proper details of all
monies, investments and other properties and assets received and paid into and
out of the Family Fund.
ARTICLE VII: MEETINGS
CLAUSE I:
ANNUAL GENERAL MEETINGS.
This is a date when the family is having a go get-together. This
is when the success and the failures are addressed. Everyone gets a chance to
air their pleas, congratulatory messages, reprove or corrections. It’s a time
to celebrate and chart the way forward for pending items.
CLAUSE II: EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE MEETINGS.
The
couple should be meeting daily if possible to just have a chat, drink or meal.
If profession deters the same, meeting should be at any given break or holiday.
It’s not an option but a must. Communication should be always no matter the
distance apart. This is for the best interest of the family and the marriage
institution at large.
ARTICLE VIII: AMENDMENTS OF THE CONSTITUTION.
I.
Amendments to this constitution should
be done only in consultation with the BIBLE. No clause or article should be
changed if found to be in alignment with the divine principles and the accepted
norms of the society.
II.
The constitution review committee
shall comprise of the 2 members of the executive committee.
ARTICLE IX: AFFILIATION
Shall not be
affiliated to any party, organization, club, institution or group; the
institution will ever remain unique to the universe and its principles.
ARTICLE X:
DISSOLUTION
The
institution may be dissolved if:
i.
One of the partners is found
unfaithful (mpango wa kando).
However, the members don’t have the right to dissolve by themselves.
ii.
If one of the partners passes on,
the remaining partner may re-marry but not living with anyone else who is not
their husband.
CONCLUSION
Stress in most cases is caused by things we can
avoid. It’s by knowing the root cause
that the solution can be found. Unless people are willing to communicate and
dissect the problem, stress can never be managed. The problem with the same is
its contagiousness. It spreads from the head even unto innocent children. The
constitution written above might look simple but if followed to the latter with
the divine principles that govern marriage, stress would not eat up people.
Treat the cause to manage the disease. Stress treads on where the divine principles
of marriage have been trodden down by men. Stress accompanies those who are not
willing to communicate when they need to. Stress attacks only a willing
recipient who might have a weak immunity or lack antibody skills to fight it.
Use your innate immunity to manage stress. Acquired immunity that is specific
to the stress will help only when innate is working.
References:
1.
Reproductive
Health Program for Rural Communities (RHPRC Trust-Kenya) constitution
2.
The
Holy Bible, KJV version